Mommy Conflict

Sometimes when I start to think about having a second child.. I enter into this inter-turmoil of conflicting thoughts. Should I become a stay at home mom, it would save so much money on daycare – but is that too much pressure on hubs to be the “bread” winner. Do I even want to STAY AT HOME? Could I freelance as a designer/writer from the comfort of my home, make money and be the primary caregiver for my children (rather then a daycare woman)? How would I “find” clients? I would need more then my 10 a year – that I do right now. But what about that corner office Marketing job that I have always dreamed of having, should I not be dreaming of that anymore? Shouldn’t I be dreaming about staying home and having all this time with the littles in my life – and loving every second of it?What if I didn’t love every second of it? Would that make me a horrible mom?

There are message board after message board on the subject. There are millions of blogs with women having these same struggles, so why is this so hard. Leslie Morgan Steiner wrote a book called Mommy Wars that debates this very subject – it’s a nice read and shares the opinions of 26 different people. But still it’s just a debate. It didn’t really help me with any sort of decision. A decision I would like to make prior to the appearance of that second line (plus mark or PREGNANT statement on the stick!).

Also, it took us 2.5 years to get pregnant with Captain A. Therefore, do we hold off trying until we make said decisions.. all the questions, and all the worries. I get so frustrated and just want to sit and cry. I enjoy the people I work with so much – and with a husband who travels, I need that adult interaction. But if I stayed home with 2, I could join a club or group – go to the gym with the littles in tow.. have play dates with my other stay at homes – and then I would have adult interaction, right? Would it be enough?

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